Genesis 29-49 - Jacob's Family

19 And Leah conceived again, and she bore Jacob a sixth son. 20 Then Leah said, “God has endowed me with a good endowment; now my husband will honor me, because I have borne him six sons.” So she called his name Zebulun. - Genesis 30:19-20 ESV

Abraham, Isaac and Jacob were great men of God, the fathers of the Jewish nation through whom God would bless the entire world. What would it have been like to be raised in the home of one of these great men of faith? This is a subject the Bible is surprisingly very open about, especially when it comes to the life of Jacob. In this reflection, I would like to take a moment to examine Jacob’s family life as portrayed in the book of Genesis.

The Inlaws

Jacob did not have a good relationship with his brother Esau. In fact, because Jacob had stolen both his birthright and blessing, Esau vowed to kill him as soon as his father Isaac died (see Genesis 27:42). As a result, Jacob was forced to flee Canaan, and settled in Mesopotamia where his mother’s relatives lived. It was here that he met Rachel, the daughter of his uncle Laban. It was not long before he determined that he wanted her as his wife and so proposed to her father that he would work seven years for him if he would give him Rachel’s hand in marriage. Laban agreed.

When his seven years of service were over, Jacob approached Laban and asked for Rachel. Laban prepared a feast, gathered the people of the region to celebrate the wedding, and on the wedding night gave him his daughter. Only the light of the next morning revealed, however, that the daughter he gave Jacob was not Rachel, but her older sister Leah. When Jacob demanded an explanation, Laban would only agree to give him Rachel as well, if he bound himself to another seven years of service.

This deception of Laban set the tone for Jacob’s relationship with his father-in-law. In fact, when he had completed his second seven years, he was determined to take his family and leave for Canaan, where he could have his own life. In Genesis 30:25 we read:

25 As soon as Rachel had borne Joseph, Jacob said to Laban, “Send me away, that I may go to my own home and country. 26 Give me my wives and my children for whom I have served you, that I may go, for you know the service that I have given you.” - Genesis 30:25-26 ESV

Laban was unwilling to let them go, however, and offered Jacob whatever wages he required to stay (Genesis 30:28). Jacob agreed, but tension with Laban’s sons began to mount (Genesis 31:1), and his relationship with Laban deteriorated (Genesis 31:2). We catch a glimpse of how Laban treated Jacob during the years he served him in Genesis 31, when speaking to Leah and Rachel, he says:

6 You know that I have served your father with all my strength, 7 yet your father has cheated me and changed my wages ten times. But God did not permit him to harm me. - Genesis 31:6-7 ESV

Note two details here. First, Laban changed Jacob’s wages ten times. Clearly, he was not giving him a raise, but diminishing his salary. Second, Laban would have harmed Jacob were it not for the protection of God. Knowing how their father was taking advantage and abusing their husband, Rachel and Leah agreed to leave and go to Canaan with Jacob.

The opportunity came when Laban left to shear sheep (Genesis 31:19). We read in Genesis 31:20, 21:

20 And Jacob tricked Laban the Aramean, by not telling him that he intended to flee. 21 He fled with all that he had and arose and crossed the Euphrates, and set his face toward the hill country of Gilead. - Genesis 31:20-21 ESV

Jacob knew that Laban would do everything he could to keep him under servitude. The only way he could leave was to do so when his father-in-law was away and unsuspecting. The family felt trapped under the authority and domination of a cruel father-in-law.

Only after three days, was Laban informed of Jacob’s flight. Gathering a small army of kinsmen, Laban pursued him. God met Laban on the way, however, and strongly cautioned him to be careful about what he said to his son-in-law. While it is uncertain what Laban intended to do to Jacob, listen to what he told him when they finally met up:

29 It is in my power to do you harm. But the God of your father spoke to me last night, saying, ‘Be careful not to say anything to Jacob, either good or bad.’ - Genesis 31:29 ESV

Laban told Jacob that day that he had power to harm him but God warned him not to do so. Hearing those words, twenty years of frustration exploded in Jacob and came gushing out in one big geyser of anger:

36 Then Jacob became angry and berated Laban. Jacob said to Laban, “What is my offense? What is my sin, that you have hotly pursued me? ... 38 These twenty years I have been with you. Your ewes and your female goats have not miscarried, and I have not eaten the rams of your flocks. 39 What was torn by wild beasts I did not bring to you. I bore the loss of it myself. From my hand you required it, whether stolen by day or stolen by night. 40 There I was: by day the heat consumed me, and the cold by night, and my sleep fled from my eyes. 41 These twenty years I have been in your house. I served you fourteen years for your two daughters, and six years for your flock, and you have changed my wages ten times. 42 If the God of my father, the God of Abraham and the Fear of Isaac, had not been on my side, surely now you would have sent me away empty-handed. God saw my affliction and the labor of my hands and rebuked you last night.” - Genesis 31:36,38-42 ESV

That day, Jacob and his father-in-law set up a pillar of stones vowing not to cross that line with evil intent to harm each other.

51 Then Laban said to Jacob, “See this heap and the pillar, which I have set between you and me. 52 This heap is a witness, and the pillar is a witness, that I will not pass over this heap to you, and you will not pass over this heap and this pillar to me, to do harm. - Genesis 31:51-52 ESV

That would likely be the last time Jacob and his wives saw Laban. Jacob did not have a good relationship with his inlaws. What we need to understand, however, is that this strained relationship was a significant part of what God used to bring Jacob back to Canaan, the land He had promised to Abraham.

The Wives

Let’s turn our attention now to Jacob’s two wives. Jacob never wanted to marry Leah. She had been given to him through the deceit and trickery of his father-in-law. It was his second wife Rachel that Jacob loved. As for Leah, she would struggle all her marriage to get her husband to love her but always seemed to be the unloved wife, forced upon Jacob by her father.

God was aware of Leah’s grief in this matter and reached out to her.

31 When the LORD saw that Leah was hated, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren. - Genesis 29:31 ESV

God showed His favour to Leah, as the unloved wife. This did not go unnoticed, and when Leah gave birth to her first child she named him Reuben. Notice the reason for this name:

32 And Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben, for she said, “Because the LORD has looked upon my affliction; for now my husband will love me.” - Genesis 29:32 ESV

Leah knew this son was a blessing from the Lord and hoped this first child would draw her and Jacob together as a couple, and maybe he would even learn to love her as the mother of his child.

When she bore Jacob a second son she called him Simeon saying:

33 … “Because the LORD has heard that I am hated, he has given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. - Genesis 29:33 ESV

Another year has passed and Leah still thought about how much her husband hated her. While the first child didn’t remedy this, her hope was that this second one might make things right.

Her third son was Levi. When he was born she said:

34 … “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” - Genesis 29:34 ESV

The words “this time” are important and indicate that she is still searching for love and attention from her husband. When child one and two did not assure her of her husband’s love, she hoped this third son would. Consider, however the words of Genesis 30:19:

Even after giving Jacob six children, Leah is still looking to be honoured by her husband as his wife and mother of his sons.

An incident occurs in Genesis 30:14-15 that seems to show how Jacob gave preference to Rachel over Leah. Leah’s oldest son, Reuben, went out one day and picked his mother some flowers. When Rachel saw the mandrakes Reuben brought his mother, she asked if she could have some. Listen to Leah’s response to Rachel:

15 But she said to her, “Is it a small matter that you have taken away my husband? Would you take away my son’s mandrakes also?” … - Genesis 30:15a ESV

Leah, accuses Rachel of taking away her husband. The idea is that Jacob was spending his time with Rachel and not with her. As a wife who felt unloved, this was a big deal for her. It was only when Rachel told her that Jacob could sleep with her that night that Leah agreed to give her the flowers:

Rachel said, “Then he may lie with you tonight in exchange for your son’s mandrakes.” - Genesis 30:15 ESV

We are not told if Jacob ever had a change of heart about Leah or whether she went to her grave feeling like the unloved and neglected wife.

What about Rachel, the wife Jacob loved? Her struggle was not to know the love and affection of her husband, but with her sister Leah. Rachel was jealous and angry with her sister and saw her as competition in their marriage. This is quite clear in Genesis 30:1 where we read:

1 When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister. She said to Jacob, “Give me children, or I shall die!” - Genesis 30:1 ESV

Rachel could not bear to see her sister give Jacob children when she could not. She decided to give Jacob her servant Bilhah to bear children on her behalf. When Bilhah bore Jacob his first child, Rachel called him Dan because she said: “God has judged me and has heard my voice and given me a son.” Rachel saw herself on trial. She had a complaint against her sister who had taken her place and married her husband through deceit. She believed God had ruled in her favour by giving her this son through her servant Bilhah.

When Bilhah bore Jacob a second son Genesis 30:8 tells us:

8 Then Rachel said, “With mighty wrestlings I have wrestled with my sister and have prevailed.” So she called his name Naphtali. - Genesis 30:8 ESV

Rachel saw herself in a big fight with her sister. The birth of this second son made Rachel feel like she had dealt her sister a serious blow and put her in her place. What is striking, however, is what happens next. In Genesis 35:16-20 we see that Rachel, herself became pregnant and bore Jacob one more son; she died, however, delivering that last child. She died as a relatively young woman of child bearing age. God took the wife Jacob loved and left him with the one he didn’t. Jacob buried her in the region of Bethlehem (Genesis 35:19).

We do not have a record of when Leah died. Jacob outlived her, however, and buried her before he moved to Egypt to be with his son Joseph. Note the words of Jacob to his sons before he died in Genesis 49:28-31:

29 Then he commanded them and said to them, “I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite, 30 in the cave that is in the field at Machpelah, to the east of Mamre, in the land of Canaan, which Abraham bought with the field from Ephron the Hittite to possess as a burying place. 31 There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife. There they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife, and there I buried Leah— - Genesis 49:29-31 ESV

Jacob wanted to be buried with his fathers. Abraham and Sarah were buried in that cave, as were Isaac and his wife Rebekah. Note that he had honoured Leah by burying her with his family. It was now his dying wish to be buried with Leah in that same cave. His body would not lay next to Rachel in death, but Leah.

Jacob struggled in his marriage with these two sisters. Leah spent a good part of her life trying to compete for his attention and love. Rachel clashed with her sister over their husband. Jacob knew the pain of losing the wife he loved at an early age. He also knew what it was like to live with a wife he struggled to love.

The Children

There are a lot of things we could say about Jacob’s children, but in this reflection we have to be specific. His children were not perfect and in fact, some of them caused great heartache for him and his wives. Consider first, the story of Dinah, Jacob’s daughter through Leah.

Dinah

Genesis 34 recounts the story of how Dinah “went out to see the women of the land.” The night out with the girls, however, quickly turned into a nightmare when Shechem, the prince of the land, seized and raped her (Genesis 34:2). We can only imagine what this news did to the family. We read that her brothers, in particular, were outraged that the prince would defile their sister in this way:

7 The sons of Jacob had come in from the field as soon as they heard of it, and the men were indignant and very angry, because he had done an outrageous thing in Israel by lying with Jacob’s daughter, for such a thing must not be done. - Genesis 34:7 ESV

This would not have been an easy time for them as a family.

Simeon and Levi

When Shechem, the man who raped Dinah, expressed an interest in taking her to be his wife, Jacob’s family agreed on condition that all the men of the city be circumcised. This was agreed to, but three days after the circumcision, when the men were healing from their wounds, Simeon and Levi took their swords, went into the city, and slaughtered all the males, plundering the city, and taking their wives and children captive (see Genesis 34:25-29). Their impetuous act brought great shame to their father who said:

30 Then Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, “You have brought trouble on me by making me stink to the inhabitants of the land, the Canaanites and the Perizzites. My numbers are few, and if they gather themselves against me and attack me, I shall be destroyed, both I and my household.” - Genesis 34:30 ESV

Reuben

Genesis 35:22 tells us that Reuben, Leah’s oldest son, slept with Bilhah, his father’s concubine and mother of some of his children:

22 While Israel lived in that land, Reuben went and lay with Bilhah, his father’s concubine. And Israel heard of it. … - Genesis 35:22 ESV

This act was not only a blatant act of disrespect to his father but also to his half brothers born to Jacob through Bilhah. We can only imagine that this caused a great turmoil in the already stressful family dynamic at that time.

Joseph

While Joseph proved to be a wonderful and specially loved son to his father Jacob, his brothers hated him because Jacob treated him with favour. Their hatred of Joseph was so great that, when he came to see them while they were keeping sheep, they decided to sell him into slavery to some Ishmaelite traders. To hide the deed from their father, they took Joseph’s cloak, dipped it in goat blood, and brought it to their father who assumed that a wild animal had killed him. They let their father live in this cruel deception for years before the truth was revealed.

Judah

Genesis 38 recounts how Leah’s son Judah married a Canaanite woman and bore three sons. He found a wife for the eldest son Er by the name of Tamar. Er, however, was so wicked that the Lord took his life before he could have a child (see Genesis 38:7). Judah then gave Tamar to his second son Onan, but knowing that the first child born to Tamar would legally belong to his brother Er, Onan refused to give her a child. This so displeased the Lord that he took Onan’s life as well. Seeing what had happened, Judah sent Tamar back to her father’s house as a childless widow.

One day when Judah went to the city of Timnah to shear sheep, Tamar disguised herself as a prostitute. Judah saw her and hired her, not knowing she was his daughter-in law. Tamar became pregnant through her father-in-law Judah and her line continued through him.

Jacob’s family was complicated. You can be sure the multiplicity of issues they faced with their children were not easy for Jacob and his wives, and caused them much grief.

So what does all this have to do with us? Let me say a few words about this in conclusion. Some time ago I was seeking the Lord for greater fruitfulness and blessing in ministry. As I prayed, I asked the Lord to reveal any secret sin. I prayed that He would deal with any spiritual apathy or misunderstandings. I asked for greater holiness and faith. I prayed for ears to hear Him and to know His leading. The focus of that prayer was that I would be more in tune with Him , more committed, more full of faith. These are admirable traits, but my belief that day was that only if I reached a certain level of maturity in these things, could God truly use me.

As I continued in that prayer, the Lord seemed to stop me. I considered what I was praying. I was praying as if God could only use me if I met certain standards of holiness and goodness. I prayed as if I had to earn fruitfulness in ministry by my good and holy life. I understood that I could not earn my salvation in this way, but somehow I believed that my fruitfulness in service for the Lord was very different and that I did have to earn or merit it by measuring up to a certain standard. In other words, my salvation was by grace but the effectiveness of my ministry was by works.

Have you ever looked at a servant of God, powerfully used and said, “He must be close to God to be used like that?” Then you hear about what was happening behind closed doors and realize that he was not as close to God as you thought.

I considered the theology I was believing in my prayer. It was a theology that assumed that being used by God is an indication of how spiritual you are and that only very spiritual people have powerful ministries. Then I considered what the Bible had to say about those who were powerfully used by God. Jacob is one of those men. He was the father of the twelve tribes of Israel, a link in a chain that would bring about the fulfillment of God’s promise to bless all the nations of the earth. We have just examined the messiness of his family life.

What is so amazing about Scripture is that it portrays human beings as they really are, with all their warts and blemishes. I am amazed at the people God uses to accomplish His purpose.

This leads me to understand that being used by God is not an indication of how holy you are?

Fruitfulness in ministry is not earned by a good life. If we believe God uses us because we are so good and holy, then the credit goes to us, and not to God. The fact of the matter is that fruitfulness and being used by God has more to do with his grace and mercy than it does with our goodness and holiness. God uses us despite our failures. The belief that I have to be good and close to God because He used me, is not what Scripture teaches.

Strive to be holy. Pursue goodness. Live a godly life. These are all requirements of Scripture, but realize that God can use whomever He desires. Don’t fall into the error of measuring your closeness to God by how He seems to be using you. Jacob was buried with honours in the grave beside Abraham and Isaac. He was the father of the tribes of Israel, but he was far from perfect. If God could only use perfect people, none of us would ever be used. The amazing truth of the Bible is that God uses whomever He sees fit, even when we have not measured up to His standard.

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