Exodus 21:1-11 - The Rights of the Married Woman

The Obligations of a Godly Husband Toward His Wife

7  “When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do.   8  If she does not please her master, who has designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has broken faith with her.   9  If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter.   10  If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights.   11  And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money.  - Exodus 21:7-11 ESV

Culture and customs have changed since the days Moses declared the Law of God to the people of Israel. We read these laws today and wonder what they have to do with us in our modern society. The reality of the matter, however, is that if we take the time to understand the context and apply the underlying principles, we would see just how much there is for us to learn. In this reflection, I want to take a moment to examine the teaching of Exodus 21:1-11 as it pertains to some very real struggles the Israelites faced in those early years.

As we begin, God gives Moses a set of rules for purchasing Hebrew slaves. Consider the context here. Hard times came to the Israelites just as they do in our day. Imagine that you are a family with five or six children. The cost of groceries is going up all the time. Your bills are piling up on the table, and your bank account is running low. The day comes when you open your cupboard, and there is no food. You don’t have money to pay the bills, and you find yourself at the end of the line with nothing left. You look to your friends, but they are in the same situation, and they cannot loan you any money. You wouldn’t be able to pay them back anyway. You can’t borrow from the bank because the bank has no guarantee from you of repayment. As weeks pass into months, you find your situation becoming more and more intolerable. Your children haven’t had food for days, and your creditors are on your doorstep demanding payment.

A number of years ago, I was in Haiti and learned that many people were in a very similar situation. They had children they could no longer feed. For many, the situation was dire. What are you to do when you find yourself in such a situation? In Haiti, some families came to understand that the lives of their children were at stake, and they would die of starvation if they could not find a solution. One solution was to give their children to families who could provide them with food and shelter in exchange for work as servants in their home. These children would be live-in-servants tasked with duties around the home in exchange for food and shelter. In other cases, young girls would be sent out onto the streets as prostitutes in the hope that they could sell their bodies and bring something home for the family to eat.

In Moses’ day, there were Israelites who found themselves, for one reason or another, in extreme poverty, unable to pay their bills or provide for their children. The only solution was to sell their sons and daughters into slavery to pay their bills. We have a case of this in the book of Nehemiah, where we read:

 3  There were also those who said, “We are mortgaging our fields, our vineyards, and our houses to get grain because of the famine.”   4  And there were those who said, “We have borrowed money for the king’s tax on our fields and our vineyards.   5  Now our flesh is as the flesh of our brothers, our children are as their children. Yet we are forcing our sons and our daughters to be slaves, and some of our daughters have already been enslaved, but it is not in our power to help it, for other men have our fields and our vineyards.” - Nehemiah 5:3-5 ESV 

Sometimes all you had left was your children. You sold them as slaves to pay off your debt, or give you relief so you could feed your other children and keep them alive.

Notice from Exodus 21:2 that while the law recognized this practice in the land, it restricted the amount of time a son could remain enslaved for a family debt:

 2   When you buy a Hebrew slave, he shall serve six years, and in the seventh he shall go out free, for nothing.  - Exodus 21:2 ESV

Six years was the maximum a son could be held as a slave to pay off a family debt, unless he personally chose to remain instead of returning home. In that case, his master would pierce his ear with an awl at a doorpost, and he would remain in his master’s service for life.

The rules for a daughter were somewhat different. Exodus 21:7 tells us:

 7  “When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. - Exodus 21:7 ESV

The idea here is that while sons were limited to a six-year term of service, this rule did not apply to daughters. When they were sold, they were not set free. While this may seem unfair, let’s consider the context. Note the wording of verses eight and nine:

 8  If she does not please her master, who has designated her for himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has broken faith with her.   9  If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter. - Exodus 21:8-9 ESV

Notice the phrases, “If she does not please her master, who has designated her for himself”  in verse 8, and  “If he designates her for his son,” in verse 9. These phrases show us something important. The daughter was “designated” to the man or to his son. In other words, she was given specifically to them. 

The meaning of the word “designate” becomes clear in verse ten, where we read:

 10  If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights.  - Exodus 21:10 ESV

The phrase “if he takes another wife” implies that this daughter was “designated” as a wife to either himself or his son. This appears to be confirmed in verse nine, where the father who designated the woman for his son was commanded to treat her as a daughter. As his son’s wife, she was his daughter-in-law and part of his family, and was to be respected as such:

 9  If he designates her for his son, he shall deal with her as with a daughter.  - Exodus 21:9 ESV

The law of Moses is protecting a daughter here. Because she had been taken as a wife, she could not be disposed of after six years. The master who took her engaged himself in a lifelong commitment. While provision was made for a daughter to be returned to the family in extreme situations, the purchaser was obliged to care for her as long as he lived.

The law of Moses went beyond this, however, and placed the master under some very specific obligations to his wife. Notice the obligation of the law of Moses as stated in verse 10:

 10  If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, or her marital rights. - Exodus 21:10 ESV

Notice that the law of Moses gave every wife three rights. These were non-negotiable. In fact, verse 11 tells us that if the husband did not meet these obligations, the wife was free to leave him:

 11  And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out for nothing, without payment of money. - Exodus 21:11 ESV

God protected the wife by means of these three rights. Let’s take a moment to consider the husband’s obligation under the law of Moses.

Food

The first right of the married woman was food.  It is true that there were women in the Old Testament who worked and brought in money for the family, but generally speaking, the man was the breadwinner and the woman the home manager. God placed an obligation on the man to provide for his wife and her role in the home. She was to have all she needed to raise her family. This was the first obligation of the husband - to provide for the needs of his family. 

Consider what the apostle Paul said to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:8:

 8  But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. - 1 Timothy 5:8 ESV

A number of years ago, I had the opportunity to visit a snake charmers’ village in the region of New Delhi, India. My host explained to me that this skill was passed on from father to son and the chance of ever getting out of this occupation was slim. Fathers would leave the village and go into the city to entertain people on the streets. The little money that came in was often used to purchase alcohol and never got back to the families who lived in poverty in the village. 

The Law of Moses called husbands to sacrificially provide for the needs of their wives. It was the right of every wife to expect this from her husband. He was to do everything in his power to provide for her. He was to do his utmost to see that she lacked nothing. 

Listen to the words of Paul to the Ephesian husbands:

 25   Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, - Ephesians 5:25 ESV

Husbands are called to sacrificial love for their wives. Jesus gave up the glories of heaven. He suffered in this life and laid down his life for his bride. Husbands were to do no less for their wives. The wife had a right to a husband who would lay down his life so that she had no need.

Clothing 

The second right the law gave the wife was the right to clothing. On a very basic level, clothing is a means of warmth and covering. But clothes are much more than this. The word used here is כְּסוּת (kesūth), meaning a covering. Clothes often define us, as they are what people see when we go out in public. Imagine going out to an important meeting with old, torn clothes. Imagine that this is all you had to wear. Would you not feel embarrassed and ashamed? Consider the words of Zechariah 3 when Joshua the high priest stood before the angel of the Lord:T

 1  Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him.   2  And the LORD said to Satan, “The LORD rebuke you, O Satan! The LORD who has chosen Jerusalem rebuke you! Is not this a brand plucked from the fire?”   3  Now Joshua was standing before the angel, clothed with filthy garments.   4  And the angel said to those who were standing before him, “Remove the filthy garments from him.” And to him he said, “Behold, I have taken your iniquity away from you, and I will clothe you with pure vestments.”  - Zechariah 3:1-4 ESV

Joshua stood before the angel of the Lord in filthy clothes. Those filthy garments represented his iniquities (see verse 4).  What did the angel do for him? He told those standing beside him to take off his filthy garments and clothe him in pure vestments. He would no longer be ashamed as he stood before the angel in these pure vestments. His shame was removed, and he was honoured.

What the angel of the Lord did that day was significant. Joshua the priest was not perfect. None of us are. What does Christ do for us as imperfect people? He pardons our sin and covers us with the robe of righteousness. He clothes us with forgiveness and no longer sees our sin. When the Father looks on us now, he sees us dressed in the robes of His Son, Jesus, and accepts us as his children. When the law of Moses commanded husbands to provide their wives with clothing, it was protecting their dignity and honouring them as women. 

Consider also the parable of the prodigal son who returned home after wasting his inheritance. He comes home, clothes tattered and smelling like the pigs he cared for. What does the father do? Luke 15:22 tells us:

 22  But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring quickly the best robe, and put it on him, and put a ring on his hand, and shoes on his feet.  - Luke 15:22 ESV

The Father removed his shame and clothed him in a clean robe with a ring on his finger and shoes on his feet. What would that have done to the son? What did it communicate to him that day? He was honoured by the Father. His shame was removed. He could walk among the servants as the son of the master, dressed in robes of dignity. That is not to say that the son was perfect. He was forgiven, however, and his offenses covered. Proverbs 10:12 puts it this way:

12  Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses. - Proverbs 10:12 ESV

The apostle Peter repeats something similar in 1 Peter 4:8, where he wrote:

 8  Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8 ESV

There is no such thing as a perfect Christian, nor is there a perfect wife. All of us, however, can have our sins pardoned and covered. We do not have to live in our shame. We can be clothed with the robes of forgiveness. These clothes cover our shame, failures, and past offenses and present us before the world as those who have been forgiven and fully accepted. 

Husbands were to offer forgiveness and freedom from shame to their wives. You can’t belittle, criticise, and condemn your wife and clothe her with forgiveness, honour, and dignity at the same time. 

Speaking to fallen Jerusalem, seated in the dust, Isaiah the prophet says:

 1   Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion; put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city; for there shall no more come into you the uncircumcised and the unclean. - Isaiah 52:1 ESV

Speaking through His prophet Isaiah, God calls his people to rise up and put on their beautiful garments. Lying there in the dust, dirty and lowly, His people did not recognize their beauty and dignity. By calling them to put on their beautiful garments, Isaiah is calling her to recognize her beauty and dignity. God had provided His people with a beautiful garment, but she was not wearing it. Consider what God said to His people through the prophet Ezekiel:

 10   I clothed you also with embroidered cloth and shod you with fine leather. I wrapped you in fine linen and covered you with silk.   11   And I adorned you with ornaments and put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck.   12  And I put a ring on your nose and earrings in your ears and a beautiful crown on your head.   13  Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen and silk and embroidered cloth. You ate fine flour and honey and oil. You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty.   14  And your renown went forth among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord GOD. - Ezekiel 16:10-14 ESV

God clothed his people with embroidered cloth, fine leather, and silk. He adorned her with gold and silver bracelets, chains, rings, and a crown on her head. As Ezekiel said: “She grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced in royalty, renowned among the nations because of her beauty.” Behind all this was a God who lifted her up, clothing her with dignity and honour. 

What was the second right of the married woman? It was her right to have a husband who recognized her beauty and lifted her up. It was the right to a man who covered her offenses and shortcomings, never to bring them against her again. It was the right to a husband who, instead of criticising and condemning, pardoned and covered her offenses. Instead of keeping her in the dust, encouring her to excel and put on her beautiful garments and walk as one who is filled with dignity and honour.

Marital Rights

Finally, the wife was to expect her marital rights. The word עוׄנָה (ʼônā) speaks of living together and has a sexual connotation. The idea, however, is that there was to be an emotional bond and intimacy in the relationship. It is quite possible for a husband to provide for his wife’s practical needs but have no real connection apart from that. It is also possible for a husband to treat his wife with respect and honour, but there is no emotional connection. Her practical needs may be met. She may be respected and honoured, but feels unloved. She does not feel special to him, nor does she stir his heart.

Leah, Jacob’s wife, is a prime example of a woman who had all that she needed practically but struggled to know the love and affection of her husband. She had been forced on Jacob as his wife by her father. For years, however, she struggled to know his affection and love. When she bore Jacob her first son, she called him Ruben, saying, “Now my husband will love me” (Genesis 29:32). When she gave birth to her second son, she said, “the LORD has heard that I am hated.” When her third son came into the world, she longingly cried out, “Now this time my husband will be attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” (Genesis 29:34). The reality of the matter, however, is that six years later when her sixth child was born, she declared, “now my husband will honor me, because I have borne him six sons” (Genesis 30:20). There was an emotional emptiness in Leah’s heart that Jacob was not filling. He provided her with her basic needs, but she did not know his affection and delight. 

Consider the words of Proverbs 5 to husbands:

 18  Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, 19  a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. - Proverbs 5:18-19 ESV

In Ecclesiastes 9:9, Solomon wrote:

 9  Enjoy life with the wife whom you love, all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. - Ecclesiastes 9:9 ESV

God calls husbands to delight in and enjoy their wives. Understand that this is not something that necessarily just happens. This level of emotional connection requires work, surrender, and devoted effort. God, however, does not ask us to do what He Himself is unwilling to do. Whether we can ever understand it or not, He actively delights in us as His children. Listen to the words of the prophet Isaiah:

 5  For as a young man marries a young woman, so shall your sons marry you, and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you. - Isaiah 62:5 ESV

The Psalmist speaks of the same kind of intimacy when he writes:

 11  but the LORD takes pleasure in those who fear him, in those who hope in his steadfast love.  - Psalms 147:11 ESV

 4  For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. - Psalms 149:4 ESV

Perhaps the prophet Zephaniah describes this most wonderfully when he declares:

 17   The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing. - Zephaniah 3:17 ESV

To be honest, there is something quite unbelievable in these words. Could the Creator ever truly rejoice over me? Is it possible that my faltering ways bring Him pleasure? Does He really rejoice over me with gladness and exult over me with loud singing? I may not understand it, but it is my right to know this as His child.

What is the third right of the married woman according to the Law of Moses? It was the right to intimacy, emotional connection, and love from her husband. To know his affection, devotion and passion for her as his wife. It was the knowledge that she stirs and delights his heart, and his heart was for her alone.

While this Law of Moses is related to wives, is it not easy to see that, as the bride of Christ, it is our right to these things as well? Can you rest assured of His commitment to be your Provider? Can you be assured of his pardon and walk as those rightly clothed in His righteousness and character? Beyond all this, however, do you know His delight in you? Do you understand Him to be a God who rejoices over you and takes great pleasure in you as His bride?